Any zoologist will gladly point out that tanukis are a species of East Asian wild dog (Nyctereutes procyonoides), possessing the long snout, coloration, and markings of a raccoon, although lacking the raccoon’s famous ringed tail. To wit: while virtually everyone refers to him as a “badger,” to the point where “Badger” is practically his second name, the scientific truth is, Tanuki is not a badger at all. What immediately follows is a brief, and only partial, clarification concerning Tanuki’s nature.
Then, on his hind legs, round belly jiggling like a Santa Claus implant, the badger waddled over to the well where the man’s daughter was filling water jars, and fixed her with his toothy, high-voltage grin, a smile so overheated and manic and wild it could crack a funhouse mirror or peel the lacquer off the chopsticks in a maiden’s hair. “Don’t be too sure, old fool,” snarled Tanuki, and with that he butted the farmer in the midsection with such force that the man fell to the ground, speechless, gasping for breath. No girl would have anything to do with a funny-looking creature like you.” The man snorted such a laugh that something shot out of his nostril. From the look of the grin on your face, you’ve drunk too much sake already. “Sake? Understandable, but I don’t think so.
The farmer looked around for signs of equipment, for a silk canopy, specifically, and a harness. Excuse me, then, honorable animal ancestor. The World of the Animal Ancestors.” His voice could have been shoveled from a gravel pit. Well, where did you come from, Tanuki himself?”
Yet, having said all that, we must concede that the role of anatomical size per se in Tanuki’s descent is not easy to determine, and a more pertinent question might be not how the badger managed to use his significant seed sack to parachute to earth but, rather: Where did he parachute from? And why? There is also the possibility that Tanuki had (and perhaps still has) the power to increase or decrease scrotum size at will. In those days, his testicular balloon bag may actually have been even more voluminous than it is today, though that’s difficult to imagine since his balls very nearly drag the ground as it is, and any increase in volume would surely have been an impediment to mobility if, indeed, not a source of some pain. Well, okay, it’s still pretty ridiculous-and no less so just because in relation to his overall body mass, Tanuki’s scrotum is proportionately larger than the scrota of elephants, whales, and the Jolly Green Giant. That is not so ridiculous when we take into account the unusual size of Tanuki’s scrotum. It has been reported that Tanuki fell from the sky using his scrotum as a parachute.
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